Friday Fictioneers is a weekly blog link-up based on a photo prompt. The Challenge – write a one hundred word story inspired by the picture that has a beginning, middle, and end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.) The Key – make every word count. Up to the challenge? Join in!
http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com
THE TALKING SPACE
by John Yeo
Image source PHOTO PROMPT-Copyright-Melanie Greenwood
Our house is large, built to a grand design. Cleo flounced in the front door looking flustered. “Father I need to talk, can we go to the table?” I smiled inwardly, we have a round table and chairs on the patio, where family matters are discussed in private. “Of course,” I replied. “Come.”
“I’m in deep trouble and I need money from you urgently! “ The words came out very fast, furious and aggressive. “Now hold on, what do you need this money for?” “Sorry Dad, my car is in need of urgent repair”. I sighed and reached for my wallet.
Copyright © Written by John Yeo
J. and M. at Writers Corner 
Dear John,
This doesn’t sound at all like fiction to me. 😉
Some minor grammatical issues. The first line should end in a period I think. It feels like a complete sentence.
“Of course,” I replied. “Come.” You seem to be missing quotation marks there.
Also I’m wondering why you centered the whole thing to look like a poem? I find it a bit distracting. But that’s me.
At any rate, as a parent. I relate to this. We raised three boys and they were very hard on cars and our insurance policy.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Rochelle ~ Thank you~I take your constructive comments on board with pleasure~I look forward to the next prompt.
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John, I agree that this was a realistic story. Anyone who’s had children to raise can relate. Well written. 🙂 — Susan
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